Strangely Detached

It's 5:30AM on Saturday, July 2nd. I'm listening to Eclectic 24 on KCRW. Been a couple of days since I've captured my feelings. I am somehow strangely detached from my situation. I'm not sure if that means that I've come to terms with and have accepted my cancer and the doctor's plan, or if I'm in denial. I'm not feeling anxious or nervous. At least not today. 

One of the things that I am finding really helpful are those reaching out and providing words of encouragement and sharing their past with cancer. I had no idea. I'm not alone. Thank you to all who have reached out. I appreciate each of you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Feet are Back on the Ground

(Note: I was drained by the happenings yesterday (Tuesday) that even though I started this entry late Tuesday, I had trouble focusing and finishing. I'm putting the final touches on this Wednesday morning). The toughest part is just not knowing. If I know I can prepare myself. But if I don't know, then I need to figure out how to appear positive on the outside while always being mentally prepared for the worst. So today, when I got some good news, it was very hard to contain myself. Yesterday I spent the day at City of Hope getting three things done - nuclear bone scan, a CT of my chest, and a CT of by abdomen and pelvis. The doc is looking for a couple things, both pretty scary: #1: Has the cancer spread? The bone scan will tell him if the cancer has mestastacized into my bones (the initial problem that my hematologist was trying to figure out was high calcium levels in my blood). Likewise, the chest CT will help the doctors determine  if the cancer has spread there. #2: How b
Read more

Recovery Goals for Week of 9/4/22

It's been two full weeks since the operation. Time to check in to see how I'm doing versus last week's plan: Re-establish my RX regimen : Done . I'm back to my daily medication regimen. I did have an antibiotic added at my doctor's appointment last Thursday, but that's only for one week. Finish weekly grocery shopping : Done . I took Friday last week to do the weekly grocery shopping. Back on track.  Wash my Car (including vacuum) : Kind of Done . I dropped by the car wash on Friday. Intent was to wash my car and vacuum the interior. The problem? The vacuums were out of order! Keeping this one in the "In Progress" category. Cook a meal : Fail.  Some physical activities are still a bit challenging. In the case of cooking, standing for a period of time is tough because I can't engage my core to support my back. The result after a few minutes is a sore and tired back. I'm leaving this in the "In Progress" bucket and will try again toward
Read more

I miss Friday night poker

Today is the first day in a while (a few weeks) where I was able to stay focused on work all day. I also slept soundly for 8 hours last night (albeit in 2 shifts). If this continues tomorrow, I think I have to give some credit to the people at City of Hope for taking the stress of scheduling my appointments and leaving me with the feeling of confidence that everything will be taken care of for me. There *is* one thing that I miss. Friday night poker. I miss getting out of the house, which doesn't happen very often working from home). I miss the drive down the coast. I miss using my analytical mind. But I've also made up my mind that it's just not worth the risk of getting sick and putting my surgery at risk. With my surgery I stand a chance. Without it, well....  
Read more