Reflections
It's been a couple of weeks since I posted because I've been feeling great! The surgery chapter officially closed on September 28th with my post surgery follow-up and had all the restrictions released. That doesn't mean that the book is closed though because, well, cancer. Chapter 2 is about to begin. More about that later.
Now that I've had a little time to reflect, I wanted to capture some of those thoughts before I forget:
Thank goodness for that annual physical:
This started the whole thing. A marginally high calcium reading in a standard blood panel. I've only been doing this for maybe 5 years. Before that, I was a healthy 60 year old male. Right?
Take away: If you don't have an annual physical exam, I would recommend you find the time.
The initial shock:
I think this is normal. Getting a call from an oncologist an hour after a CT scan can never be good news. When the doctor asked me "Do you have any questions?" I really didn't know how to respond. I was too busy thinking "Wait. Wut?"
Take away: If you're not prepared for the news, it's okay. Regroup. You can only move forward when you can objectively think through the options.
Being Honest with Myself:
As much as I wanted to think that I really didn't have cancer, but just a benign tumor, I had to be honest with myself. Just because I had no symptoms (other than elevated calcium) didn't mean that I didn't have cancer.
I also did my homework. My brother-in-law (he's an MD) shared differential diagnosis flowcharts with me (the same ones that the doctors would use). I learned what they meant. I reviewed my lab results. As much as my wife and I wanted to believe that we were looking a vitamin D toxicity, the results were not playing out in support.
Take away: Be honest with yourself. Everyone - you must trust the science. Just because your friend or someone in your family has heard of this miracle cure from Australia, or about these miracle probiotics on Dr. Oz - this is your life you're playing with here. Science is proven. If you do not believe this, then I am sorry and you can stop reading. I can't be more blunt.
Talk to people
Find, no, make time to talk to others you trust. We have good family friends who went through surgery a few months earlier. My wife and I reached out to pick their brains and to learn from their experiences. Thanks Mike and Eve for all the facts and suggestions!
Take away: This isn't something to be embarrassed about. It's no different that any other traumatic experience. Talk to others. Talking about it can be comforting and therapeutic. Once I opened up, it was very comforting to hear from many many friends and acquaintances who were cancer survivors that I had no idea were survivors. You are not alone.
Find the experts:
Early on, I was not impressed by my oncologist. This situation is critical to me. Why should I need to call his office after a couple of days because I had not received a referral to a surgeon? When I received the referral, why just an general oncology surgeon? Why not one that specializes in kidney cancer?
Take away: No one is going to advocate for you except for you and your significant other. Don't stick with your doctor because s/he's your doctor. Find the expert in what you're dealing with. Cancer is not just a general condition. Your cancer may be very special and specific. Find the expert to deal with your cancer.
In my case, when my brother in law found out, the first thing he did was to send me the names of two doctors that are kidney cancer experts. I was on the phone with their offices the next day setting consultations.
Second and third opinions:
Trust the experts:
This has never been a problem with me. Experts are experts because they not only know their stuff, they accept accountability for their actions. One of the things I assessed during the interview was whether they were firm and honest with me. I used questions like if there was going to need to be chemo/radiation, what about biopsy, would they be able to save the kidney, etc. My focus was to see if they were honest with me.
Take away: You're putting your life in the hands of these highly qualified people. You absolutely *must* trust them.
Even a little bit in shape helps:
I am thankful for the advice of the friends I mentioned above. One thing they were very adamant about was to get in shape to help recovery. I found that to be so true. Even walking for a couple or three weeks prior to surgery seemed to help.
Take away: Cancer surgery is traumatic. Ten hours under anesthesia with instruments in your body is not normal. When you first get the news, get yourself on a bit of a fitness kick - even if it's walking 30 minutes a day. If nothing else, it will give you some time to clear your mind and think properly.
Get back to a normal routine as soon as possible:
The other piece of sage advice I received was to get back to a routine as soon as possible. I created a plan that slowly introduced activities of daily living back into the mix. I was told by the docs that the best thing for recovery to be mobile. I took that to heart. Within two days I was going (slowly) up the stairs, showering, brushing my teeth. Within a week I was back to cooking. Within two weeks I was back to short walks. It all built on the previous step.
Take away: Get back to life. Be aggressive, but realistic. Your body will tell you when it can do what, but you have to challenge yourself.
THE BOTTOM LINE:
Everyone wants to say "Cancer Sucks". But cancer doesn't suck. "Cancer is". When I came to grips with that, I knew that I was in charge. I am able to be strong yet realistic. Have I beat it? I know that I have for today....
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