Kidney Don't Fail Me Now!

 My mind is kind of scattered this morning. Surgery is 4 days away. I feel as ready as I can be. I found myself making recovery goals this morning. First goal: be able to cook a meal by next Saturday (microwaving ramen doesn't count). I guess I should review my pre-op instructions again. I've already adjusted my daily meds. I've been walking 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week (this is week 2). I know I need to shower the night before and morning of, and can't eat or drink after midnight. All in all, it will be easier than prepping for a colonoscopy. Last big decision for the day -  what should I plan for dinner at home Tuesday night? Decisions descisions.

Seven days until surgery. I think everything is about ready to go. Pre-ops and labs completed last Thrusday and Friday. Leave of absence paperwork submitted. Hotel reservations made. All I have left is a Covid Test.  I was really confused about Leave of Absence. It wasn't (still not) clear to me who gets to "approve" my leave. I'm planning on taking the day prior to the surgery off to lounge around home and to mentally prepare myself. Apparently, my leave doesn't "officially" start until paperwork from the doctor is submitted. The problem is that paperwork isn't submitted until the day of surgery. I spoke to HR today, and they said everything is in order. So, I'm starting my leave on the 2nd! As I mentioned above, the only thing left to do is my Covid test. Since I'm going to have to drive out to Duarte, I'm going to treat myself to the Donut Man. Sure hope they have peach donuts!

Should I call one? I always thought it would be neat to have a funeral *before* you die: https://www.kcrw.com/news/shows/greater-la/end-of-life-anaheim/death-doulas

Is drumming my fingers a sign of boredom or is it a sign of impatience? 11 days to go. I'm feeling both. I completed my pre-op and labs on Thursday. Mini-carmageddon is underway in Irwindale (major construction on the I-210 as twelve lanes of traffic squeezed down to 6). I managed to use surface streets to bypass the freeway traffic, but it still took 30 minutes longer than normal. I left early, so there wasn't any additional stress and I navigated the gravel pits of Irwindale. In fact, on the positive side, I was able to fill up with cheap gas (at the time of this writing, $5.19 a gallon is pretty cheap). Pre-op consisted of going over my medical history, the obligatory measurement of vitals and an EKG. I received instructions on medications that I need to stop taking between now and the surgery, as well as instructions for the night before surgery. I dialed in my meds for next week. I'l going to need to remember to look at this again next weekend. Then it was off to the l...

Surgery is two weeks away and my pre-op appointments are tomorrow. I'm starting to feel anxious...

Seventeen days to surgery (I just noticed that it's July 17th - how ironic). I expected to experience a lot more ups and downs, but so far I feel like I've been pretty level headed about what's coming up. I'm just eager to get the surgery over and to get on with life. I don't quite know what "getting on with life" means at this point, but I'm going to assume that I'll still be on the right side of the dirt. One of the things this situation has done is to remind me there are still a few things that I need to take care of to prepare for my eventual demise. I've never really thought about my own mortality. I guess my mind still thinks I'm 50*. Right now, I'm trying to wrap up my Advanced Directive before surgery. I thought I was ready, but my wife raised a valid point - I need to check to make sure the AD deals with end-of-life, and not complications arising from a procedure. Last thing I want is to not be intubated if the procedure (or a ...

I need to thank all people who have been messaging, texting and reaching out asking about how I'm doing. I deeply appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers. I wish I could effectively communicate or demonstrate how comforting everybody's kind words are. The other thing that I am grateful about is to learn how many people are fellow cancer survivors. I had no idea. Many people have shared their stories and challenges. In the big picture, I am very fortunate that (at least up to now) my cancer is isolated to one organ.  Thank you to all that have opened up and shared with me. I truly appreciate your selflessness. I hope I am able to do the same. I am feeling well right now. There are a couple of things I've noticed this week, but I'm not sure they are new or that I am sensitive to symptoms now that I've been through the ringer with the docs. For example, I am experiencing some mild pain in my lower back in the evenings, but I think that it's probably related more...

 "Beloved husband, father, grandfather." My wife thinks I'm being morbid when I talk about this. But I really don't want the standard stuff on my headstone. If the worst happens, please don't give me the standard, boring epitaph.  I'm thinking something more like: "I didn't even know I was sick." If anyone reads this entry, please point my kids here. Kids - when you read this, this is my one request should the worst happen in the next few months. It's just me trying to be prepared. I we were going to totally ignore being prepared, mom and I wouldn't have already paid for the plots.

It's 5:30AM on Saturday, July 2nd. I'm listening to Eclectic 24 on KCRW. Been a couple of days since I've captured my feelings. I am somehow strangely detached from my situation. I'm not sure if that means that I've come to terms with and have accepted my cancer and the doctor's plan, or if I'm in denial. I'm not feeling anxious or nervous. At least not today.  One of the things that I am finding really helpful are those reaching out and providing words of encouragement and sharing their past with cancer. I had no idea. I'm not alone. Thank you to all who have reached out. I appreciate each of you.